My witticism for today (Camping Pt. 3 hygiene)

We all know that when your out and about in God’s country that often there are not civilized facilities such as you’ll find in a luxury campground like a Good Sam’s, KOA or some other such city folk campground. After a few days most folk start to get a bit ripe, kind of like that roadkill that you best avoid in my other post.

There are some basics here that you need though. Water, soap of some kind, towel or a roll of paper towels. Water is your biggest challenge most times since it’s a luxury to have a nearby creek or river to utilize as your water source. I prefer the lye soap that my buddy One Eyed Jack makes since it’ll strip the chrome off a trailer hitch. Just don’t use it in your neither regions if you know what I mean. (Don’t ask me how I know this).

You will want something milder for delicate areas but the lye soap will get a week’s worth of road grime off the rest of you quicker then a commie running from a Marine.

Privacy is another concern here especially for us women folk. You never know what two legged perv could be out and about in the surrounding woods just hoping for a chance at some delicate hobo meat. You best watch your six if your by your lonesome and be prepared to defend your honor as needed. Hopefully by now you may have met up with a travel buddy and you can help each other out.

What I prefer is the standard P.T.A. method and get the hell out of the water ASAP. That technique was taught to us girls by my dear Momma on our homestead. If your unfamiliar with that process you all will have to use your google foo or some other method to search for what the abbreviation is since this here is a family forum and I cannot in good conscience list what it stands for.

Anyway, as well you have to also consider cleaning your duds usually at the same time your cleaning yourself (Here’s where Jack’s soap comes in really handy). Be sure to rinse that lye soap well out of your delicate underthings else wise down the road you’ll be jumping around like a toad on a hot metal roof. We’ve just touched on the main clean up needed when on the road, you’ll have other considerations as well that we’ll cover in some future witticisms. Stay safe out there H.D.


My Witticism for today (meeting folk on the road)

We’ve all been there, out traveling and come across a stranger or two in your travels. The skill here is being able to size up that stranger to determine whether he or she is in possession of their faculties or if there’s a can missing from that six pack.

I’ll use yesterday as an example. I am currently throwing my sleeping bag down at my Sister’s house taking a brief respite from the road. She and her Husband live in a fairly small semi rural kind of town that has more then one or two fun watering holes to obtain your adult beverage at and shoot a game of pool.

We went to one of these that is way out in the middle of no where surrounded by corn and sunflower fields. My Sister’s Husband calls it his biker bar hang out. We decided to grab some suds and play some billiards being that I am a proficient pool shark and all. Before we could play there was this here fella playing solo so we figured we just sit a spell and sip our suds.

Well this here fella we’ll call him Johnny left the table so we decide to get up and grab it afore some else can and here he comes back in and asks to play doubles with us since he would make it four. We say sure why not but something seems a bit off about this boy but so far no bells are going off in my head. This used to be easier you know before cell phones.

When you’d see someone yakking to his or herself before cell phones you knew whoa! watch out for that dimwit. Now you can never tell until you get more personal. Well as it turns out ol’ John boy smelled like he’d been taking a bath in an ashtray, you know that chain smoker smell and unwashed clothes just don’t mix. But that was just the beginning friends.

I mention to him that he needs to mix up the rack a bit more even you know and he proceeds to move the balls around slamming them down while saying “Is this good enough”, well that there bell that didn’t go off before is now ringing like a church on Sunday yes sir. I look over at my Sister and her Husband and that silent expression passes between us. You know, the one that says “This guy is batshit crazy”.

My Brother In Law thought he was on meth but we didn’t get a good look at his teeth so we couldn’t be positive. He may of just been from England anyway or some such place as well so that may not have been a good indicator. We just all knew he was on the edge and diving into the realm of being a real freak so we decided we’d had enough pool for the day.

We ended up at another place none of us had been and had a great time shooting pool on a real Jack Daniels table. Now Jack, there’s someone I can relate to for sure. Just remember there’s strength in numbers and don’t turn your back on anyone you meet on the road since you never know what lurks out here. On the flip side the freak had a really cute emotional support dog named “Amigo”. I guess retrospectively that should have been my first clue. Stay safe out there! H.D.

My witticism for today (Camping pt.2 sleeping)

Once you decide on a spot to pitch camp there are some further considerations to take to your sleeping arrangements. Depending on what part of the country you’re in you need to inform yourself of the local wildlife and such. Most areas are bear country I go into so I know that if I don’t hide my food and seal up any stink from my garbage I’m going to get a visit.

This is highly undesirable if you’re like me and like to stare at the stars on a nice night out in the wilderness. Sleeping outdoors has it’s merits. Easy to clean up, easy to go when nature calls and easy to get vertical after a few adult beverages. Just remember that a person in a sleeping bag outside in bear country is also know as “nature’s soft taco” to a bear.

Don’t be bashful now here. Doing your business around the perimeter of your camp sometimes will help keep the critters away so go at it unheeded. Just be sure to keep your sleeping area downwind. Enough said.

Like I always say being for warned is better then being fore skinned, or something like that. At a minimum outdoor life in general requires some sort of protection. And I’m not talking about a raincoat boys. A canister of bear spray at minimum, preferably a large caliber shooting iron or some other such implement of destruction is advised since if need be getting in a tangle with a big critter with an inadequate weapon will just tick them off fierce.

When I’m out by myself I will have a string of cans I can set around so that anything four legged or two will have a surprise coming. They also come in handy for drinking out of when your short on utensils. These tips will help you stay safe and prevent from becoming part of nature’s buffet. Stay safe out there H.D.


My witticsim for today (Camping considerations Pt.1, fires)

Life on the road isn’t possible for most folk unless you do a spell of camping and tent pitching. Not everyone can afford to always stay in a Motel Six or some other such luxury like a Kardashian or the like. So in light of that when you decide on a spot to claim as yours there are considerations to take into account.

Today we’ll go over those things and some tips to make your life easier then a fox rooting through a hen house with no yard dog looking on.  Mostly you’ll want to heed to these suggestions as preparations and not while you’re in the act of camping.

First off and I’ve said it before in regard to many other instances. You have to be always considering the temperature when deciding on pitching your home.

If your not prepared for inclement weather you may as well dig into your life savings and cough up that twenty or thirty dollars for a roof over your head at a local and hopefully cheap room to rent. You’ll be dry, warm and ready to camp another day.

Being prepared like the Boy Scouts used to say is about the best advice anyone can give. I have some tips that will help once you’ve set up your camp and are ready to get that fire going for vittles and such. Get yourselves a bag of cotton balls and a jar of Vaseline. I know what your thinking , (I haven’t used a jar of Vaseline since my trip to San Fransickie in my youth) but listen here and you’ll learn something.

Take a cotton ball and rub a small amount of Vaseline in it. Do this to a good number of balls (cotton ones only fellas) and put them in a tin or a plastic container/bag for safe keeping. Once you’re ready to start that fire and have your kindling and such ready to go in the pit and1 place two or three of the balls under the kindling.

Take some care when your ready to light that sucker since if you’re too close you might end up like a buddy of mine we call “No eyebrow Bob”.  This will get your fire going quick like a jack rabbit on a date and you’ll be cooking in no time. Tomorrow we’ll talk about sleeping tips and considerations when on the road. Stay safe out there H.D.

My witticism for today (The right tool for the job)

We’ve all done it, using a butter knife for a screwdriver, a pair of pliers as a wrench, you know being lazy to get the right tool. Well I’m here to tell ya that there are levels of stupid you can attain in this arena and I’m just as guilty as the next traveler I reckon.

My latest delve into this arena was thinking I just may be able to do a bunch of crawdads in a hot tub. I figured with all that room the fifty or so pounds of dads I had would be a breeze to whip up in no time for one on my Hobo Dee Hoedowns.  Well I couldn’t have been more wrong then a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, no sir.

For one thing that durn tub wouldn’t get about 104 degrees no matter what I did. I found out later that there is some stupid nanny law that prevents them from going higher. What a waste of what could have been the ultimate crawdad pot!. Retrospectively I should have waited to dump in the gallon of Tabasco and other road side seasonings and such before making sure the water was hot enough.

That was lesson one. After I used the pool net to get out what I could I decided to not let the whole situation be a loss so I grabbed my hat, a beer and my harmonica a figured to take along soak. I do have one favor to ask from my readers. If y’all know of a youtube clip or some other such advice channel on the best way to get red tint off your skin would y’all be so kind and send it my way?  I’d be much obliged. Stay safe out there H.D.

My witticism for the day (burns)

Yesterday I was out by the cement pond lounging with my pool noodle and my beer. I had left my hand harp on the glass table with the temperature running around 102 or so.

After a couple of beers and some Sun I decided it was time to toot some tunes on my harmonica. Well dad burn it if that Mother wasn’t as hot as raccoon running up a tree being chased by a hound. Darn near got a blister on my lip for sure.

Folks, dowse a hot harmonica in what ever’s near if it’s been sitting in the Sun, beer, water, possum urine, whatever’s handy to avoid that kind of injury. I be needing a straw for my beer for the next few days for sure. See ya tomorrow, stay safe out there. H.D.


One of Hobo Dee’s favorite recipes

I’ll start off here with an easy one for all ya newbies. But pay attention cause y’all can ruin your find quicker the a revenuer runs from the feds.

Instructions and recipe: 

  1.  A decent sized possum or raccoon, gutted and skinned (hopefully the car or truck did it for you).
  2.  A really big, and I mean big pot, like a big stock pot or some other such utensil.
  3. Water either from the crick or some other trust worthy supply.
  4. Gather up a bunch of wild rosemary if possible or if not some dandelions and wild grass and shoots will do.
  5. Over your fire get the pot to boiling but eventually you’ll only want a simmer since if you leave it at a boil you’ll just ruin the vittles.
  6. Place your dinner in the pot along with the greens and simmer for 5-6 hours
  7. This will give some time to practice your hand harp or just have a few cold ones.
  8. When the meat starts to pull off the bone you’ll know it’s ready for consumption.
  9.  Serve over some noodles and you got what I like to call a Hobo Dee spectacular. MMMMMMMYah!